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The current period signifies a full decade since the term “vanishing” entered the common lexicon. Back then, the idea that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a lover without explanation seemed like the pinnacle of disrespect. Our innocence was charming. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a mate has only become more confounding – an commonly fruitless exercise in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by social media lingo.

Gen Z, a generation who matured during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a coordinated assault on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic environment than their Gen Y elders could ever envision. And so their romantic glossary has grown longer and more deranged, with phrases like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” pushing the limits of your sanity.

The following list is a comprehensive glossary to the words Zoomers is using to talk about romance, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the year’s most enduring online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll long to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – In the view of gen Z, dating’s gold standard is presenting as your real, raw self. Good luck with that!

B

Avian theory – A social media test inspired by a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your partner’s response is inquisitive or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Independent partner – Zoomers' response to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while radiating enigma and independence. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Support test – This refers to choosing someone who aids you proactively. If you entered a room, they would pull up a seat for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people form a link while running errands, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained twentysomethings do affordable dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or breakup, spilling all of your unreciprocated emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 80s young urban professional affluence, it refers to pairs who forgo having children to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Open communication – The opposite of being guarded: embracing communication, transparency and openness.

F

Flags

• Warning signs – Personal habits suggesting a potential partner is not right. Such as calling their former partners unstable, subpar tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These quirks confirm your decision to date a mate. Such as following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, having a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe niche, largely inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Such as being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their purse, paying rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who despises the same stuff or people that you do (nothing fosters closeness faster than sharing a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Zombie-ing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon partner who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online community of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, intentionally postponing orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A trend describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An ideal touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own aside from satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and frequently trivial repulsions that instantly kill any feelings of attraction.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an incredibly thoughtful display.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in sectors they believe are being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be numbered since some Zoomers want fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {